Feeling Rights and a Feeling Song

Are there good feelings and bad feelings? Is it a sin to have bad feelings?

I describe feelings as painful and pleasant rather than good and bad.

The following thoughts come from Managing Church Conflict, by James A. Jones.

I have a right to my feelings. God made me with emotions. He made me with the capacity to experience sadness, fear, and anger as well as joy and contentment.

I have a right to feel as I do toward other people. These feelings should be contrasted with actions coming out of those feelings. Jesus, who did not sin, was able to feel compassion, grief, and anger as well as other emotions.

Then Jesus, moved with compassion, stretched out His hand and touched him, and said to him, “I am willing; be cleansed” (Mark 1:41).

And when He had looked around at them with anger, being grieved by the hardness of their hearts, He said to the man, “Stretch out your hand.” And he stretched it out, and his hand was restored as whole as the other (Mark 3:5).

Jesus wept (John 11:35).

I have a right to express my feelings. Expression of feelings should be done openly, honestly, specifically, caringly, respectfully, and responsibly. Feelings should also be expressed at the appropriate time, in the proper place, in adequate amounts, and toward the appropriate person.

I have a right and responsibility to listen and respond to the feelings of others. One who truly listens to another communicates: “I care about you. You are important and valuable as a person. You are not bad and terrible although you share your painful feelings with me.” Careful and concerned listening is a way of practicing the Golden Rule: “Therefore, whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets” (Matthew 7:12).

I have a right to process or work through my feelings. Often when one is expressing painful feelings such as grief or anger someone will say, “You shouldn’t feel that way.” However, this contradicts clear Bible teaching.

A time to weep,
And a time to laugh;
A time to mourn,
And a time to dance (Ecclesiastes 3:4).

Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep (Romans 12:15).

Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath”
(Ephesians 4:26).

To work through or put away feelings, these steps may be helpful: A person must become aware of having particular feelings – not deny the feelings. An individual must correctly identify his feelings. An individual must analyze his feelings and their origin thoroughly. He needs to express the appropriate amount of feelings at an appropriate time, in the appropriate place, toward the correct person(s) or event. In working through feelings, a person must experience them – not just say feeling words, for example, crying until one is finished.

Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice (Ephesians 4:31).

Feeling Songs

We sing in Bible school:

If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands
If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands
If you’re happy and you know it
Then your face will surely show it
If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands

There are other verses describing things we do when we’re happy. Are there other acceptable feelings and responses?

I wrote the following verses while teaching about feelings and what the Bible says about them, sung to the same tune.

If you’re angry and you know it, hold your tongue,
If you’re angry and you know it, hold your tongue,
If you’re angry and you know it, your restraint will surely show it.
If you’re angry and you know it, hold your tongue.

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry (James 1:19, ESV).

Being angry is accepted in Ephesians 4:26 with a warning not to sin with that motivation.

If you’re sad and you know it, cry real tears — or not,
If you’re sad and you know it, cry real tears — or not,
If you’re sad and you know it, then your life will surely show it.
If you’re sad and you know it, cry real tears — or not.

People express grief in different ways. We learn to grieve with hope but not demand that everyone grieve in the same way as us and at the same speed.

If you’re scared and you know it, pray to God,
If you’re scared and you know it, pray to God,
If you’re scared and you know it, then your faith will surely show it.
If you’re scared and you know it, pray to God.

Brave people aren’t people who are never scared, but people who do what needs to be done even though they are afraid.

If you doubt and you know it, ask some questions,
If you doubt and you know it, ask some questions,
If you doubt and you know it, then your search will surely show it.
If you doubt and you know, ask some questions.

Faith grows through creative doubt. Creative doubt asks hard questions and looks for answers. The father with a sick child came to Jesus to heal his boy. Jesus said,

“If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes.” Immediately the father of the child cried out and said with tears, “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!” (Mark 9:23, 24).

My book on interim ministry, relationships and responsibilities of preachers and elders, and other ways to be more like Jesus is available in an audiobook: Between Preachers Audiobook

Recent episodes of Gleaning Mustard Seeds:

Episode 33 — Settling Conflicts Before We Have Conflict: writing agreements for people who forget: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2369804/episodes/16278495

Episode 34 — My Attitude Adjustment Talk: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2369804/episodes/16310056