Sowing and reaping cuss words

On occasion during counseling, I’ve had married couples curse each other.

On occasion, I’ve asked them to define the words they’re using. They often look perplexed. I begin with the husband, “What do you call her? He replied, b…. . I want to know what you mean by the word b…. .”

“What do you call him?”

She replied, “ an a…… .”

I suggest we take our cell phones, go to the dictionary, and read the definitions of each word. After reading the definitions and the synonyms, I ask, “Is this the way you view your spouse? What do you mean to communicate when you use those words to hurt?”

I follow with some more questions and observations:

Do you enjoy being called by those names?

Why do you call your spouse those names?

Have you found that this kind of communication improves your relationship?

I’ve noticed that a person often lashes out after being hurt by another person. To correct this unjust action, that person replies by a stronger and repeated insult. The reaction is usually a stronger, louder, and more lengthy, cursing. The plan seems to be that if one person hurts the other enough, they will see the error in their ways, apologize, and the problem will be eliminated.

I don’t recall this approach solving conflict in a marriage ending in kissing, making up, and solving the problems.

I observe this approach follows the law of sowing and reaping.

When one plants one b…., he often reaps two a…..es.

The person who labeled her spouse with two a…es, receives three b…… in return.

Sowing and reaping

God’s law of sewing and reaping has been constant since the creation.

1. We read what we sow. Galatians 6:7, 8 
2. We read more than we sow. Mark 4:20 
3. We reap in proportion to the seed we sow. 2 Corinthians 9:6 
4. We continue to reap later than we sow. Mark 4:26-29 

I recommend changing the seed. I ask each spouse to keep a record of each time he or she compliments and encourages the other. Also keep a record of when they hurt the other person and apologize. The following session, I give each a marble for each action. These are placed into a jar. When the container is filled to the top, we have we have a party to celebrate improved communication. If they have children, we start with the oldest child and ask them to select the place where we’ll eat. Gail and I celebrate with their parents making progress on an improved marriage without telling the details of how they arrived there.

Political cursing

Curse words Republicans use against Democrats: socialist, radical left, woke, snowflakes, sheeple, Demonrats.

Words Democrats use against Republicans: fascists, far-right extremists, deplorable, rednecks, climate deniers, Bible thumpers.

How many people have you seen converted on Facebook, Instagram, or TikTok by using these words against the opposing party?

Obviously, the people using these words know they’re right, the other side is wrong, and all can give book, chapter, and verse to support that God is on their side. Proverbs 21:2

Is this what you encourage your leaders in the church to do to set an example for the rest of the church to follow?

I recommend when selecting a preacher for the search committee to check all social media accounts of the preacher and his family. Do you want someone preaching each Sunday who insults half the population of the United States by “cursing” the opposing party?

I recommend that a preacher check all social media accounts of the elders and their families. Do you want to work with an eldership that believes they have to have the right party in power to advance the kingdom of God on earth? Does that conviction agree with Jesus saying that his kingdom is not of this world? Will you be able to more effectively evangelize that community with this kind of public presence?

Religious cursing

It’s not uncommon to hear spoken and see written adjectives applied to brothers in Christ that are less than complimentary: liberal, ultra-conservative, hypocrite, bully, anti, Pharisee, and unsound to the extent we would not worship with that person (often used when they disagree with the accuser on one point such as clapping after a baptism).

Paul wrote to the church at Ephesus about how to guide the use of our tongues.

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. — Ephesians 4:29, ESV 

Podcast cursing

I enjoy listening to podcasts. I spend several hours each week learning about many topics while walking, driving, and shaving. I get an education while doing things when that time would otherwise be lost without that medium.

I listen to many that are faith–oriented. I am encouraged, challenged, and inspired by many “mustard seeds” I gain each week. But, it seems inconsistent and it’s disturbing to hear some of those who have good information, talk about prayer, God, the Holy Spirit and sprinkle it with the d-word and the f-word.

I listen to programs that help me in the wonderful tools I have the privilege to use. These people tell me about M chips, how many megs of RAM I need to do a good job, artificial intelligence, helpful apps for my iPhone, and ways I can use my computer in a more effective way.

Then they emphasize a point with the d-word. If they don’t have a better vocabulary to make an important point, are they giving me the right information about where to store and back up all the information I have on my computer? What does the d-word have to do with files, tags, and short cuts?

Jesus said,

I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned. — Matthew 12:36, 37

If we want better relationships and be a better example, we must change the seed we plant—replacing insults with words that build up.

How to leave a church

Talking to elders about money